i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
