I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
