god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
