White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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