We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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