I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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