the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
