guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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