I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
