My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
