one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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