My nipple is on Facebook.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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