Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
