Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
