hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
