Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
