Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize