I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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