WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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