So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
