I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
