i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
