cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
