saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
