I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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