is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's blow job season.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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