You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
