A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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