A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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