I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
