Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
