Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
