we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
