is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
