last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
