So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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