I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize