cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
