He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize