she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
