You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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