he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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