some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
