I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And then he peed in my hair
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