yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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