Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
