She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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