After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
