The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
