Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't deserve a penis
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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