i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
