we have pet lesbian snakes
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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