mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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