I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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