so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
FUCK WHALES
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
