Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize