sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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