just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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