it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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