dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
