my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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