He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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