yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
