ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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