i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
