was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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