My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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