If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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