you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
