I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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