somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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