Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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