I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
