handjob tips. give me some.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
