I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
