My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
