I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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