Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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