god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
