I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
