the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
