After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize