This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
