my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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