please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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